My saving Grace. 3 days.

Its been three days since I've written, and so much has happened. Church on Sunday was learning experience so I decided to share it instead of referencing Revelation again. Before I get started, about my last 3 days...

Last Wed I received an apologetic email notifying me that "my" internship was not going to happen. I call it mine, because if there was money I would so be there. Immediately after responding to the email, I decided to communicate with my next option, which I hadn't heard from since February and hadn't responded to because they said they would contact me when the mycologist came back into town. By Friday, I had contacted a professor over an internship with invasive species at MSU, and by Monday I had heard back in the first response that I didn't fit the profile because I wouldn't be an MSU student in the fall. By Monday afternoon, I had heard from my bible study leader Julie, questioning why I had started a summer project application and not turned it in. My life was pretty stressful at that point. So, I told her I was still interested since my other options were seeming unlikely and I hadn't heard back from the mycologist yet. After deciding to work on my application for Summer Project again, only a month late, I heard back from the Invasive Species lady saying yes, they would afterall look at my resume.

By that point, I was more interested in the Summer Project to anywhere, maybe because it would be a guaranteed job, maybe because God laid it on my heart. I filled in the app, sent out referrals to be completed, and talked to my parents, which was no less difficult than I thought it would be. With little details on the project availability I was setting myself up for a tough discussion, and I went to bed thinking - according to my mother, this is impractical for packing and getting to Penn State, and according to my dad, I had a laundry list of things to do before I could go anywhere. I had some tears Monday but woke up with a full spirit and was ready to look into my options.

Yesterday, I found out the dates, found out the availability, and asked for my referrals. Last night I sent out my application. Julie reminded me of Galatians 1:10

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Today, I've had anxious thoughts about getting my referrals in, as well as hearing back from the mushroom company. I just heard back from Kaolin Farms in PA, and after setting up this project and being prepared to raise money for it, I just can't see myself being ok with being rid of my Month off to pack and the remaining time for God.

The problem with working at an internship, is it prepares you for real life. A real job.  It doesn't prepare you for grad school. When confidence not from God enters into your life, grades go downhill because you think your job experience made you to be perfect for grad school. Without it, I feel my confidence will be in Christ and my dedication will be for Him.

Revelation 8:

• Verse 1 made me laugh. At the opening of the 7th and final seal- seemingly like an acceptance letter- there was silence for half an hour. Who knew time could be passed down that way back then? I can't imagine Jesus wearing a watch.
• Seven angels with trumpets stood before God.
• Another angel had a golden censer ( for incense) and it was filled at the altar. The smoke and prayers went up to God  from the angel's hand.
• The angel filled the censer with fire and hurled it at the earth, producing an earthquake, lightning, and thunder
• Some believe the earthquake in Japan symbolized the beginning of the end.

•  the angels prepared to sound their trumpets
• with the first trumpet sound came hail and fire with blood hurled down to earth. 
• 1/3 of the earth burned up 
• a third of the trees burned up 
• all green grass was burned up
•  At the second trumpet, a huge mountain like thing was thrown on fire into the sea.
• 1/3 of the sea was turned into blood, a third of the sea creatures died, and a third of ships were destroyed
• At the third trumpet, a great blazing star named Wormwood fell from the sky like a torch onto a third of the rivers and springs. A third of the waters turned bitter, resulting in many deaths.
• At the fourth trumpet, a third of the sun, moon, and stars turned black. A third of the day and night was without light.

v. 13 As I watched, I heard an eagle that was flying in midair call out in a loud voice: “Woe! Woe! Woe to the inhabitants of the earth, because of the trumpet blasts about to be sounded by the other three angels!”




image ref: http://www.earlywomenmasters.net/dickinson/a_garden_tis/sanctity/censor_bookshelf.jpg

Believing lies and reflecting an imperfect standard.

I’m not going to use generalized phrases, but I’m sure others can relate to the feeling of inadequacy. According to dictionary.com, inadequacy is the state of being found insufficient or having defect. Dwelling on inadequacy is not healthy, but believing inadequacy given to you by others is not ok. The only OTHER you should compare yourself to is Jesus Christ… What would Jesus do?

So, what, you may ask, did Jesus do? By coming to earth as the son of God and resisting all temptation of the world he humbled himself to be blamelessly nailed to a cross for mans’ sin. For those who believe in Him, (I emphasize that this is a relationship, not a religion in which a standard mode of action is “par”) but Jesus Christ Himself strengthens us in our weakness and loves our weakness because our reliance on Him brings us closer.

So, am I believing a lie that I'm inadequate? YES. Does Jesus think I'm inadequate? Not now. Since I believe Jesus Christ is my personal savior, God turned away from Jesus on the cross because our sin was put on Him. This allows us to be looked at with love from God even through our imperfections. If you beat yourself up regularly, you are believing a lie.

Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Philippians 3:13-14
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

^{John 3:3-8}
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again." "How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!” Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

John 3:16-21

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

Hurting

Sometimes, when my heart stings, I wonder why God lets it be. But even convincing myself that its not from God isn't enough to take the pain away.

Job 23:10
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

In middle school, my mom stopped taking us to church. We all had too much homework to do she'd say, Dad was working overtime, and the attitudes toward my family when we actually showed up seemed of judgment rather than concern. Perhaps that's why I enjoy Riverview now, you can slip right in and not have to talk to anyone because the congregation is large and there's too many services offered for people to get to know you. The penetrating eyes of judgment makes it hard to feel comfortable. This feeling has stayed with me until now. My parents still haven't returned to our old church, and they haven't sought after another. I wish I could say that the impression left on me didn't mark my thoughts, but it has. Why would I tell this story? I have only began to comprehend the necessity of a church family that cares deeply for its members. Correction of other Christians is addressed in the Bible, which is important, but the following verse addresses building on Christ. You cannot build a Church without Christ as the foundation. Fellowship that holds Christians up through correction is important. I also wish honesty wasn't saying my parents turn to CSI instead of God now, and I wonder where the reliance is that they have on Christ.

Cor. 3:10-15 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

It hurts my heart that my dad's sister's family is part of New Tribes, but my dad doesn't attend church except for Christmas with my grandparents. I thought to myself, if I got baptized, or if I left the country with Campus Crusade that maybe being a sacrificial child for Christ would be enough. I ask for prayer for them because I don't have the guts to confront the issue with them myself. And no, I didn't leave the country for missions this summer because I'm in debt and need to make money. My guilty conscious says my motivation for going to Africa was to escape my life. I'm not perfect, and that is why I'm writing this blog. There isn't a such thing as a perfect Christian! Only one that has received the wonderful gift of mercy and grace given by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.