Hurting

Sometimes, when my heart stings, I wonder why God lets it be. But even convincing myself that its not from God isn't enough to take the pain away.

Job 23:10
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

In middle school, my mom stopped taking us to church. We all had too much homework to do she'd say, Dad was working overtime, and the attitudes toward my family when we actually showed up seemed of judgment rather than concern. Perhaps that's why I enjoy Riverview now, you can slip right in and not have to talk to anyone because the congregation is large and there's too many services offered for people to get to know you. The penetrating eyes of judgment makes it hard to feel comfortable. This feeling has stayed with me until now. My parents still haven't returned to our old church, and they haven't sought after another. I wish I could say that the impression left on me didn't mark my thoughts, but it has. Why would I tell this story? I have only began to comprehend the necessity of a church family that cares deeply for its members. Correction of other Christians is addressed in the Bible, which is important, but the following verse addresses building on Christ. You cannot build a Church without Christ as the foundation. Fellowship that holds Christians up through correction is important. I also wish honesty wasn't saying my parents turn to CSI instead of God now, and I wonder where the reliance is that they have on Christ.

Cor. 3:10-15 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

It hurts my heart that my dad's sister's family is part of New Tribes, but my dad doesn't attend church except for Christmas with my grandparents. I thought to myself, if I got baptized, or if I left the country with Campus Crusade that maybe being a sacrificial child for Christ would be enough. I ask for prayer for them because I don't have the guts to confront the issue with them myself. And no, I didn't leave the country for missions this summer because I'm in debt and need to make money. My guilty conscious says my motivation for going to Africa was to escape my life. I'm not perfect, and that is why I'm writing this blog. There isn't a such thing as a perfect Christian! Only one that has received the wonderful gift of mercy and grace given by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.