Connecting to Christ- Learning to Love

One of my greatest challenges in life is having patience, and I suppose until recently I didn't realize my lack of it was actually a talent given to me by God. At Leadership Advance, I learned that what I like to call my hothead pushy side that often lacks tact or compassion is my "activator" trait. At leadership advance, I learned that in a crowd of 60 people there was only maybe 3 activators and I was one of them. 

For the last several months I have been on ADD and ANXIETY meds. When things aren't on my timeline, I tend to overreact inwardly or outwardly, and I am not good at being sensitive to others. Beginning in August, I sought out psychotherapy- started seeing a psychologist, and eventually ended up in a graduate student therapy group as a result of interpersonal anxiety. I've learned through this group that my automatic with helping people is to fix them, which apparently comes a lot more naturally than fixing myself. But "fixing" people isn't what God's command for us is, its simply to love them. How can I love someone if I can't understand them, or even listen to them because of my own impatience? 

Reflecting on what I have accomplished in school, I realize if I wasn't an activator I wouldn't be where I am today. At the same time however, I have strung along an interpersonal anxiety that is difficult to overcome. I don't mean to take charge with my "D" personality and my "restoration" powers, but that's what people see it as, and people don't like being told what to do <especially me>. So when God told me to "listen" more, I did. 

1. I started giving up control. The most imminent area in my life of which this applies is my long distance relationship. I realized that I felt like I had no control over what would happen long term and it made me anxious, which made me do things and say things that I normally wouldn't do. This anxiety also resulted in having unreasonable expectations for my boyfriend. When I gave up this burden, fear went away, and love took its place.

2. I began to listen. When I started seeing the people I was impatient with through Christ's eyes I was able to give them more time in the day. Some of these people were family members, some of these people were close friends that had become distant, and some of these people were others I had dismissed after brief encounters due to comments that I took far too personally. God's forgiveness has allowed me to be humbled by those who love me, and in turn, love my enemies. In this way, I am starting to overcome the constant defensive mode that I feel every time someone says something that shakes me.

3. Although research anxiety is a continuous drain of my energy, I have started to seek God as my provider. He has shown me that he provides when I rest on him. I'm trying to be a bit more consistent with reading my Bible these days, and in addition, have decided to mark my additional down time with constructive behavior instead of stress. I've realized not taking breaks doesn't cure anxiety, it actually hinders healing and hinders my ability to trust God.

I'm not cured, but God has allowed me to see that I am loved in a way that I had not observed before. By actually feeling loved, I can love on others and be happy so much more and not live in isolation. I love my family, I love my friends, and I love God. Its time for me to dig in the word. <3

What do you hold on to?

After a moment of self reflection and a moment of reflecting on other's lives, I ask what do you hold on to?
Some very simple concepts are trickery to the brain. We don't cling to what is logical, we cling to something that is just there. For example...
We cling as easily to failure as we do to insecurities, falsehoods, etc. Anything that is most irrational we find comfort in blaming.
Yet I wonder... how many people look in the mirror and see the person God sees in each one of us? How many of us settle instead because we find the flaws in ourselves unworthy of anything more?
And how many of us can see genuine love and aren't blinded by the call of the world?

I can't say I think about this frequently, because God has opened my heart to be a little less self conscious, a little more accepting, and much more understanding in the last few years. I sometimes feel guilt for not feeling like I'm meeting expectations made by God and made by myself. When will we show face for Christ Jesus and except the beauty he has bestowed upon us to be a reflection of His greatest glory? Jesus doesn't expect perfection. He wants us to accept his compassion, love, and desire to bring happiness and hope to the world.

A few verses I would like to remember:

How long will you men turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ?

Psalm 4:2

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4 TNIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1 Corinthians 13:3-5

Patience, judgement, and love

 Love

Romans 13:8

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.

Judgement
Genesis 31:37

Now that you have searched through all my goods, what have you found that belongs to your household? Put it here in front of your relatives and mine, and let them judge between the two of us.

Forgiveness
John 8:4-8 

and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵ In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

Patience

Proverbs 14:29

Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.

Proverbs 19:11

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.

A poem of faith

God's given me the spirit to be
A rebel in society for him
A happiness in my place
At home or where I find my space

Help me seek what I must not know
Help me find what I need to grow
Without you Lord I'd never get by
Because the more I live, the harder I try.

I love that God made us each to be individuals, and he gave us the mold to take our place within it (Jesus mold- not fungus), not to fill the entire mold, but to be a part of the wonderful creation it creates.

Identity Ridding ourselves of the lies we believe. Unconditional Love

So, not to be verbatim, but I think its important to relay what I learn in church because its easier to process and its helpful for those at all interested in what church is all about. Some of you might be surprised. This is the second week with Mark Brett, and Last week we covered Colossians 1 & 2 When we learned that Jesus=fullness. To keep it brief, I will put the verses and the important parts of the message that I feel are relevant to mention.

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

This says that the devil seeks to distort the truth to make things seem less blatantly a lie. 
Anything that we value could become an idol before God if we justify an action, or thing once. i.e. In my life, I feel called to do summer project. I resisted so long that when a second mushroom internship popped up, I could have said it was a sign from God that the availability of a job in my interest was the hook out of going to summer project. Instead, currently, I see it as a test. What do I value more? What is really important to me? I had told God that if the first mushroom internship didn't work out, I would look further into summer project. I couldn't deny him or myself at that point. We have to know Him (Christ) well, in order to recognize lies.

John 2:15-16

So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, “Get these out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!”

Sometimes (OFTEN) we don't fear God as much as we should. Christ Jesus can get angry too, for good cause. When we do something that isn't necessarily wrong, but its out of context, or its not exactly right, but we can justify it, we upset God, even though through his son he has forgiven us. 

THAT verse seemed a little out of context for the message, so I may have written the verse down wrong. In which case, lets go through all the Johns that seem applicable of the Bible.

1 John 2:15-16

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.

 After we become Christians and get past the lies, and past defining ourselves by the world, we have to get by the 3rd force, our selfish desires... ironic that I wrote about this yesterday seeing as we talked about it today. The problem is, even as Christians we are TEMPTED DAILY to drift away from God. Its a natural tendency to do what we feel is right and forget about God.

Colossians 3:1-4

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 

We must reorient ourselves to a new reality. The difficult part is seeing ourselves the way the Lord sees us... which is wonderfully made. Jesus has taken our sin, so that God can look down on us with love, patience, and compassion. We are eternally secure once we've accepted Christ as our savior, God's son coming down to Earth to die for our sins.
This eternal security is NOT based on:

• how many good things we do
• how we feel

We must set our minds on that reality, live life consistent with that reality. God's love is unconditional.

Colossians 3:5-11

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
Its a continuous struggle, but we must "keep putting it to death"

• We need to be clothed in Christ.

• We must put off our old self, and put on our new self so that we can change inside out.
• Its being like minded in Christ- through letting Christ live through you, that allows changes in your behavior to occur. We can't change our own behavior on our own.

• Coming back to a part of last week's message, the good things we do don't define us. 
• Every step we make through prayer, reading our bible, relying on other Christians, etc, are all to remind us of our Lord Jesus.

Mark Brett had an excellent example of putting on our new self in Christ.

• He described a time when he was playing football with his kids, only to find out it had fallen in dog poop. He washed his hands and the ball really well, but still smelled the dog poop. He realized when he sat down at the table for dinner that it was also on his shirt.
• We can try covering up the poop smell with cologne,  
• putting a new shirt on top of it (all our sins), but we can't cover our own sin to God, it still shows. 
• We have to wash ourselves clean. We want people to notice the sin has left us and we don't want to smell like dog poop.

Colossians 3:12-14

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

image:
http://www.radioactiveliberty.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/pino-a-mothers-love.jpg

Believing lies and reflecting an imperfect standard.

I’m not going to use generalized phrases, but I’m sure others can relate to the feeling of inadequacy. According to dictionary.com, inadequacy is the state of being found insufficient or having defect. Dwelling on inadequacy is not healthy, but believing inadequacy given to you by others is not ok. The only OTHER you should compare yourself to is Jesus Christ… What would Jesus do?

So, what, you may ask, did Jesus do? By coming to earth as the son of God and resisting all temptation of the world he humbled himself to be blamelessly nailed to a cross for mans’ sin. For those who believe in Him, (I emphasize that this is a relationship, not a religion in which a standard mode of action is “par”) but Jesus Christ Himself strengthens us in our weakness and loves our weakness because our reliance on Him brings us closer.

So, am I believing a lie that I'm inadequate? YES. Does Jesus think I'm inadequate? Not now. Since I believe Jesus Christ is my personal savior, God turned away from Jesus on the cross because our sin was put on Him. This allows us to be looked at with love from God even through our imperfections. If you beat yourself up regularly, you are believing a lie.

Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Philippians 3:13-14
Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

^{John 3:3-8}
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again." "How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!” Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

John 3:16-21

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

Casting out fear

Every moment through Christ is a cherished memory. As I rewind my life, my obedience to Him has brought me so much joy. As He knew, He placed me in the loving care of the arms that hold me on Earth. Every day, I am tempted by stress; tempted to sleep away all my anxiety. I wish I could say that I am doing a good job at abiding in His strength instead of mine own, but through and through, His words give me comfort. For the words of the Bible are the source of life for things to come.
Revelation 22:1-5
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night, They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

Every time I deny Him, I am denying myself.
1 John 3:18-24
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence when our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

He is good to warn us of the Spirits of the Antichrist and provides us with His love.

1 John 4:2
Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God.

1 John 4:16-18
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Love

Passion comes from love, not love from passion. Often times love is construed to be what its not. In order to live and love to the fullest, we must follow God's teaching first.

Proverbs 3:3-4
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

Even in my relationship with my boyfriend, I failed to see the sin in pursuing a physical relationship that did not become sexual. My mind was changed when I read this verse:

1 Corinthians 6:19
Do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

If you pursue Christ before your boyfriend/girlfriend, He will bless you as an heir to His kingdom:

Romans 8:12-17
Therefore brothers (fellow Christians), we have an obligation - but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Therefore, consider Galatians 1:10 that asks if you are trying to win the approval of men or of God. If you were trying to please men, you would not be a servant of Christ. I have struggled with this in many ways this last year. For the first time this week, I have been able to see Christ for who he really is and have found my servitude to follow Him first. I do not have to be submissive to my boyfriend or him to me. We do not belong to each other as we belong to Christ. As a final note today, I would like to note that I have no regrets in making a list of guidelines/rules in my current relationship.