When I feel inspired, which doesn't happen very often, I like to have thoughtful monologues whether people choose to listen or not, and today is the day.
A friend brought to my attention that someone else thought I didn't like her because I didn't initiate conversations with her. I told her that wasn't the case but I didn't think we had anything in common and I tend to be shy around people I don't know. After having a great conversation with her, I know that we do have things in common now and unfortunately for me, I tend to judge a book by its cover more than I would like to admit. If you look like you have your s**t together, you probably won't like me. This insecurity I have grew my sophomore year of college when I moved in with a friend from high school. She was a neat freak and I simply was not and tension formed in our relationship. You could say that I can recognize neat freaks by behaviors they have. Well, its just an excuse. But where I'm really going here is a deeper issue that I will unleash which is the worst thing about me and yet the best thing about me based on the verse below:
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is
made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in
my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
You might say Emmie, how could you possibly have a weakness? Blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty fit, about to get married, have a great family with great parents, got a master's degree, what's the problem?
My problem? I'm horribly efficient.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
What I meant was, I am actually HORRIBLE at being efficient at ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. I am SLOW. In high school I had math exams that I aced that took me two or more hours for a one hour class period exam. My brain's ability to process is on dial up and therefore I have zero efficiency. To make it worse my communication skills aren't always the best and therefore my impatience with my own problem comes across as an impatience on others who don't understand what I'm trying to communicate to them. Infact, I struggle with interpersonal anxiety that means sometimes that I don't want to confront the issue at all.
You might say... ok whatever. We all know you have the brains stick it out and figure it out and ignore whoever gets in your way of that.
Here's the next problem... I am horribly assertive. In this case I mean sometimes that if I have something to say I will attempt to be as direct as possible so my thoughts are understood which sends up red flags and cause people to get incredibly defensive. Here's where my weakness becomes my strength. As I learned in Leadership Advance almost 2 years ago, I am an activator. Which means, I try to motivate others. This "go-get-em" mentality gives hope to the hopeless and rest to the weary because I have faith that they can set their mind to it and accomplish anything they want. I have no discretion and little sympathy. If I can do it, you can do it too.
Ok ok, you've admitted your weakness which hasn't held you back much... now what?
Well, I don't know. I'm looking for a place where I can encourage others, be direct, engage in stimulating work without feeling overwhelmed.
I love learning new things, I love science. I hate writing and I am naturally creative. So what is my calling?
That, I have yet to find out.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Monday, February 25, 2013
Connecting to Christ- Learning to Love
One of my greatest challenges in life is having
patience, and I suppose until recently I didn't realize my lack of it was
actually a talent given to me by God. At Leadership Advance, I learned that
what I like to call my hothead pushy side that often lacks tact or compassion
is my "activator" trait. At leadership advance, I learned that in a
crowd of 60 people there was only maybe 3 activators and I was one of
them.
For the last several months I have been on ADD and
ANXIETY meds. When things aren't on my timeline, I tend to overreact inwardly
or outwardly, and I am not good at being sensitive to others. Beginning in
August, I sought out psychotherapy- started seeing a psychologist, and
eventually ended up in a graduate student therapy group as a result of
interpersonal anxiety. I've learned through this group that my automatic with
helping people is to fix them, which apparently comes a lot more naturally than
fixing myself. But "fixing" people isn't what God's command for us
is, its simply to love them. How can I love someone if I can't understand them,
or even listen to them because of my own impatience?
Reflecting on what I have accomplished in school, I
realize if I wasn't an activator I wouldn't be where I am today. At the same
time however, I have strung along an interpersonal anxiety that is difficult to
overcome. I don't mean to take charge with my "D" personality and my
"restoration" powers, but that's what people see it as, and people
don't like being told what to do <especially me>. So when God told me to
"listen" more, I did.
1. I started giving up control. The most imminent
area in my life of which this applies is my long distance relationship. I
realized that I felt like I had no control over what would happen long term and
it made me anxious, which made me do things and say things that I normally
wouldn't do. This anxiety also resulted in having unreasonable expectations for
my boyfriend. When I gave up this burden, fear went away, and love took its
place.
2. I began to listen. When I started seeing the
people I was impatient with through Christ's eyes I was able to give them more
time in the day. Some of these people were family members, some of these people
were close friends that had become distant, and some of these people were others
I had dismissed after brief encounters due to comments that I took far too
personally. God's forgiveness has allowed me to be humbled by those who love
me, and in turn, love my enemies. In this way, I am starting to overcome the constant defensive mode that I feel every time someone says something that shakes me.
3. Although research anxiety is a continuous drain
of my energy, I have started to seek God as my provider. He has shown me that
he provides when I rest on him. I'm trying to be a bit
more consistent with reading my Bible these days, and in addition, have decided
to mark my additional down time with constructive behavior instead of stress.
I've realized not taking breaks doesn't cure anxiety, it actually hinders
healing and hinders my ability to trust God.
I'm not cured, but God has allowed me to see that I
am loved in a way that I had not observed before. By actually feeling loved, I
can love on others and be happy so much more and not live in isolation. I love
my family, I love my friends, and I love God. Its time for me to dig in the
word. <3
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Testimony Take 2 August 2012
My testimony, seemingly shaped by a few fearful moments of
God have become something dramatically more. Since starting this group, (this
summer) I have experienced incredibly heightened anxiety on a semi-continuous
basis that has left me in tears of pain, anger, and rarely joy.
This summer, I have realized through lessened bible study
meets that my dependence on God is absent. I have been vicariously depending on
others for the comfort I need, and which until this past summer when Bible study
meets were canceled for a period of weeks, supplied.
I think for many the EXPERIENCE of LIVING THROUGH OTHERS IN
CHRIST is a common one, at least for a short time (I picked up the CAPS
attention grabber from Holly- thanks Holly!)
Its funny perhaps that God has to allow me to be wrecked by
myself in order to get my attention. TWICE emotionally over car wrecks, and now
in my stress-prone state of being with an unreliable advisor and 3 crops to
prove something for my thesis. And then I ask myself, WHY AM I WORRYING? Won’t
GOD ultimately provide for me? Can’t I trust him with my life? Why does the
human condition leave me feeling so drained and tense that I cannot complete
what is set before me?
Luke 12:27-31
27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or
spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one
of these. 28 If
that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and
tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of
little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat
or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For
the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need
them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given
to you as well.
At a Catholic friend’s recommendation,
she sent me to counseling. I had my first session yesterday when I was
confronted with the question: “Are you a worrier?” I had never once placed
myself into this category, only my closest of friends and family can detect
this level of anxiety in my life. I started balling again biking home last
night, thinking to myself, if I believe God can heal me, “Will He?” He wanted
my attention, now He’s got it. As He always has to be drastic to reach me since
my heart is only completely satisfied when I am able to help others which I
have reluctantly not been engaging in so readily recently due to the pile of
work I have accrued, that with the school year about to start and various other
high demand tasks such as writing my thesis proposal.
Friends, sisters and brothers in
Christ, we cannot be humbled when we are too prideful to share our problems and
struggles with one another. I am a worrier, and it will be nothing but God’s
grace should He choose to set me free. My question is, “WHY WOULD HE?” Am I
really as devoted to Him as He is to me? And if I can’t open my heart to Him,
what choice does he really have?
Lord, this is my public proclamation
that I am much less than perfect and I need your everlasting water to quench my
weary soul.
May I cry out to you in supplication
with thanksgiving, so that I may see your will and do it.
“Be anxious for
nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let
your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all
comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians
4:6-7
Testimony Part 1 2009-Summer 2011
Baptism testimony in quotes:
"I don't really remember my life prior to accepting Jesus, my savior, from my sins at the age of 6, but my understanding of God's gift of Jesus Christ lead me to writing this poem.
With love Jesus bound
His body to a tree
His perfection the battle ground
Kneeling to God did He.
The thorns and needles took
His skin of bleeding sweat
Through love his surrender shook
Forgiving sinners' repentance.
For lying not in the grave
After 3 days did He
Arise from the dead and save
Lives exponentially.
Accepting Christ, the perfect one, as my savior kept me from many temptations throughout my pre-college years. I got the grades early on and through high school, went to church regularly through middle school and attended a youth group program from a toddler through high school.
When I went to college and left my family behind however, I became very unsure of my future, was unhappy with my first major choice, and sunk into a depression that I expressed only through written poetry.
Wanting to continue seeking Christ, I attended bible study and real life regularly my freshman year, but, I only let God seep into the skin, not into my heart. The box of unassembled puzzle pieces was my life, an unordered burden, I insisted on carrying.
As I changed my major and was hired to work in a lab that became my home, I became so dedicated to my job that I started making excuses for missing REAL LIFE, the only religious event that I attended my sophomore year. Without that weekly renewal of Christ I became exponentially stressed out, and both my self esteem and grades caplunked again.
At this point in my life, people's views of me began to matter more than my life through Jesus Christ, as if someone had mixed in pieces from the wrong puzzle to keep me from completing my life puzzle through Christ. When a guy fractured my self esteem, I would dye my hair to find my own new identity. Fortunately, at this time in my life my bible study leader Elissa, from freshman year, was there for me, asking if I was reading my bible and going to church, which, I wasn't. She may have thought her actions were insignificant at the time, and perhaps I was too stubborn in the moment to listen, but her words stuck with me, and she was persistent.
I'd fallen back from God when I needed him most, and my sophomore year had separated me so far from him it was difficult to pray. Out of unhappiness and frustration, I turned back to bible study and real life. For the first time since freshman year I felt comfortable opening up at bible study to other Christian girls. As I've reflected the last week (week prior to my baptism on Nov 1, 2009), I searched for verses that fulfill me now, one particular set of verses being:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
These two verses stuck out to me because my number one stress factor is chaos. Through Jesus Christ the pieces that don't belong in my life become clear and the burden of assembling the pieces isn't mine to bear. Instead of finding a hopeless identity in a dye job that won't last, I have found my renewed identity in Christ because, it doesn't matter what other people think of you, it's what Christ thinks of you. Today I'd like to demonstrate through baptism my perseverance for Christ through recognition of his death and resurrection for me."
A month or so after my baptism, I followed up with Christ at a week long Christmas conference called IndyCC. It was there that I first realized what redemption was, and that I could live free from the weight that seemed to hold me.
Towards the end of the conference I realized I wanted God to open me up more, to actually break me. I am not a control freak, or as any control freak would say, "I know someone who is a lot worse off than me" (stating that doesn't prove anything, it just says that "I'm ok with it and its not going to change"). A week or so later my dad told me that there was a severe storm coming and since we live in Michigan, it was going to be bad for me if I stayed out too late- an unexperienced Winter driver in a blizzard on bald tires. I kinda only partly listened to that because I wanted to get some film developed and it took more than an hour. On the way home, I went from a complete stop around a sharp corner, went too fast, over corrected for a slide, and messed up my car's alignment very badly. I was really shaken up, but my sister who was in the seat beside me was my life saver. She -->:iconAWpHarm8D: kept me calm as I soon realized the right turn I would make would be directly into oncoming traffic since my car could no longer turn right accurately. We made it home safely but my sister called my mom to call my dad. I couldn't face that.
Just prior to IndyCC, I had told a friend of mine that I liked him. We were going to discuss it after break, but when I wrecked my car, and followed that with "The Notebook," which had me balling to tears, I realized my best friend and favorite forever guy in the world was and is, my current boyfriend. I realized for the previous two years he had been nothing but comforting to me and he never saw me as the whiny childish girl that I was. He claimed to know how I felt, and I had traded that in for what? WHAT?
I felt like I didn't even know this guy who had been the best thing in my life. He got me on DA, where I immediately started writing poetry. He always reminded me that God had a plan for my life. It was that moment, broken hearted crying in my bed that I accepted the possibility that maybe :iconXopherTAF: was the one God had planted there for me all along.
In recent times- AKA this past summer, I lived in another state from my family on my own( well, I had housemates but I didn't know them prior to moving in) for the first time in my life. God took me through another whirlwind. He taught me that my dad's reaction to how I was being treated was not the way to interact with a terrible landlord. He taught me that Christianity is about being the example, the one that keeps it together in difficult times. He taught me that anxiety over my dad's viewpoint of me after I disappointed him - this time totalling my car for good- was not what I had to live for. He also taught me that if I was going to make it through grad school I was going to have to cling on a lot harder and set my priorities.
Additionally, God showed me that there's nothing on this planet that is worth my life besides God. I spent hours and hours of my free time sanding, waxing, and painting my car by hand, and then I totalled it because I was late and hungover from going on 3 days of a conference that ended with drinking. It had rained out and the road was really slick. My dad had warned me about that road, he said "this road is crazy, be careful."
When I mirror God with my earthly father, I realize in my stubbornness I ignore the only true love I have. I also realize I put the blame on my father for my anxiety instead of for the action that was directly opposing my father's direction.
Even still, airbag deployed and all, I look at my life as a pretty big overreaction. I tell myself, if I wasn't such a procrastinator, if I wasn't so high strung, if I wasn't this or that... da..da..da the list goes on and on, I would be successful. But remember Paul? The one who had a thorn for life? That's me. I have a thorn, but ya know what? when I keep the wound clean, attend to it regularly, and lubricate the skin with creams saturated in God's love and affection I can be much much more than I ever imagined. And God made me just the way he did so that I could rely fully on him every day and realize that facebook and other distractors from God can easily be cut down in my life. If I LET HIM REIGN, I will reign too. In His glory.
"I don't really remember my life prior to accepting Jesus, my savior, from my sins at the age of 6, but my understanding of God's gift of Jesus Christ lead me to writing this poem.
With love Jesus bound
His body to a tree
His perfection the battle ground
Kneeling to God did He.
The thorns and needles took
His skin of bleeding sweat
Through love his surrender shook
Forgiving sinners' repentance.
For lying not in the grave
After 3 days did He
Arise from the dead and save
Lives exponentially.
Accepting Christ, the perfect one, as my savior kept me from many temptations throughout my pre-college years. I got the grades early on and through high school, went to church regularly through middle school and attended a youth group program from a toddler through high school.
When I went to college and left my family behind however, I became very unsure of my future, was unhappy with my first major choice, and sunk into a depression that I expressed only through written poetry.
Wanting to continue seeking Christ, I attended bible study and real life regularly my freshman year, but, I only let God seep into the skin, not into my heart. The box of unassembled puzzle pieces was my life, an unordered burden, I insisted on carrying.
As I changed my major and was hired to work in a lab that became my home, I became so dedicated to my job that I started making excuses for missing REAL LIFE, the only religious event that I attended my sophomore year. Without that weekly renewal of Christ I became exponentially stressed out, and both my self esteem and grades caplunked again.
At this point in my life, people's views of me began to matter more than my life through Jesus Christ, as if someone had mixed in pieces from the wrong puzzle to keep me from completing my life puzzle through Christ. When a guy fractured my self esteem, I would dye my hair to find my own new identity. Fortunately, at this time in my life my bible study leader Elissa, from freshman year, was there for me, asking if I was reading my bible and going to church, which, I wasn't. She may have thought her actions were insignificant at the time, and perhaps I was too stubborn in the moment to listen, but her words stuck with me, and she was persistent.
I'd fallen back from God when I needed him most, and my sophomore year had separated me so far from him it was difficult to pray. Out of unhappiness and frustration, I turned back to bible study and real life. For the first time since freshman year I felt comfortable opening up at bible study to other Christian girls. As I've reflected the last week (week prior to my baptism on Nov 1, 2009), I searched for verses that fulfill me now, one particular set of verses being:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
These two verses stuck out to me because my number one stress factor is chaos. Through Jesus Christ the pieces that don't belong in my life become clear and the burden of assembling the pieces isn't mine to bear. Instead of finding a hopeless identity in a dye job that won't last, I have found my renewed identity in Christ because, it doesn't matter what other people think of you, it's what Christ thinks of you. Today I'd like to demonstrate through baptism my perseverance for Christ through recognition of his death and resurrection for me."
A month or so after my baptism, I followed up with Christ at a week long Christmas conference called IndyCC. It was there that I first realized what redemption was, and that I could live free from the weight that seemed to hold me.
Towards the end of the conference I realized I wanted God to open me up more, to actually break me. I am not a control freak, or as any control freak would say, "I know someone who is a lot worse off than me" (stating that doesn't prove anything, it just says that "I'm ok with it and its not going to change"). A week or so later my dad told me that there was a severe storm coming and since we live in Michigan, it was going to be bad for me if I stayed out too late- an unexperienced Winter driver in a blizzard on bald tires. I kinda only partly listened to that because I wanted to get some film developed and it took more than an hour. On the way home, I went from a complete stop around a sharp corner, went too fast, over corrected for a slide, and messed up my car's alignment very badly. I was really shaken up, but my sister who was in the seat beside me was my life saver. She -->:iconAWpHarm8D: kept me calm as I soon realized the right turn I would make would be directly into oncoming traffic since my car could no longer turn right accurately. We made it home safely but my sister called my mom to call my dad. I couldn't face that.
Just prior to IndyCC, I had told a friend of mine that I liked him. We were going to discuss it after break, but when I wrecked my car, and followed that with "The Notebook," which had me balling to tears, I realized my best friend and favorite forever guy in the world was and is, my current boyfriend. I realized for the previous two years he had been nothing but comforting to me and he never saw me as the whiny childish girl that I was. He claimed to know how I felt, and I had traded that in for what? WHAT?
I felt like I didn't even know this guy who had been the best thing in my life. He got me on DA, where I immediately started writing poetry. He always reminded me that God had a plan for my life. It was that moment, broken hearted crying in my bed that I accepted the possibility that maybe :iconXopherTAF: was the one God had planted there for me all along.
In recent times- AKA this past summer, I lived in another state from my family on my own( well, I had housemates but I didn't know them prior to moving in) for the first time in my life. God took me through another whirlwind. He taught me that my dad's reaction to how I was being treated was not the way to interact with a terrible landlord. He taught me that Christianity is about being the example, the one that keeps it together in difficult times. He taught me that anxiety over my dad's viewpoint of me after I disappointed him - this time totalling my car for good- was not what I had to live for. He also taught me that if I was going to make it through grad school I was going to have to cling on a lot harder and set my priorities.
Additionally, God showed me that there's nothing on this planet that is worth my life besides God. I spent hours and hours of my free time sanding, waxing, and painting my car by hand, and then I totalled it because I was late and hungover from going on 3 days of a conference that ended with drinking. It had rained out and the road was really slick. My dad had warned me about that road, he said "this road is crazy, be careful."
When I mirror God with my earthly father, I realize in my stubbornness I ignore the only true love I have. I also realize I put the blame on my father for my anxiety instead of for the action that was directly opposing my father's direction.
Even still, airbag deployed and all, I look at my life as a pretty big overreaction. I tell myself, if I wasn't such a procrastinator, if I wasn't so high strung, if I wasn't this or that... da..da..da the list goes on and on, I would be successful. But remember Paul? The one who had a thorn for life? That's me. I have a thorn, but ya know what? when I keep the wound clean, attend to it regularly, and lubricate the skin with creams saturated in God's love and affection I can be much much more than I ever imagined. And God made me just the way he did so that I could rely fully on him every day and realize that facebook and other distractors from God can easily be cut down in my life. If I LET HIM REIGN, I will reign too. In His glory.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
I joined a bible study!
This week I've gotten a bit beyond my level of tolerant anxiety, so I joined a Bible study and I'm going to work on letting God take care of my weaknesses. I had a rough drive back to PA after break and I was highly caffeinated which made the drive nerve wracking so I prayed to God and said: "God, please don't let me die now, I'm too young. I promise I'll put you first in my life, I want you to be my center of attention." So here I am. My anxiety returned and I had to transfer the burden to Jesus to move forward. The biggest challenge for me being a high strung individual is being "ok" with myself when tension and stress get in the way of enjoying life and being productive. At church this weekend, at bible study, and in my daily bread reading with Chris this weekend, the message was constant. After taking the RISC assessment for Bible study I've learned we're all unique, AND we all reflect God. There's nothing wrong with us. God glorifies in our beings. And when we see that we all mirror Jesus Christ, we better understand that we together, a multitude of instruments can truly make a masterpiece. We just have to work together. Here's a few ideas from this weekend I'd like to share:
I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (I Peter 2:5)
I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live (I Peter 2:11)
I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit (John 15:16)
I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with him (Romans 8:17)
I am God's workmanship- His handiwork- born anew in Christ to do His work (Ephesians 2:10)
Psalm 139:13-16
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house (I Peter 2:5)
I am an alien and stranger to this world in which I temporarily live (I Peter 2:11)
I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit (John 15:16)
I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing His inheritance with him (Romans 8:17)
I am God's workmanship- His handiwork- born anew in Christ to do His work (Ephesians 2:10)
Psalm 139:13-16
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Have we become arrogant?
Its funny, thinking about how people learn, many of us procrastinate. Others are diligent and get the job done in a timely manner, while others seemingly cheat at life. But one thing is certain, we often learn through punishment. The question is, when we become adults and life isn't going our way (or maybe it is) do we become hard to learning and prefer to settle with comfort and ignore what we are being taught? Are we overlooking life lessons?
I stayed up last night doing homework, saw the clock this morning, and rolled over convinced I couldn't get ready for church that quickly. I am stubborn, and have to learn the lesson over and over again... what am I without God? I'm powerless, I'm ugly, and I have no motivation. If you are Godless, is this how you feel?
Its been a while since I've opened up the Bible on my own to learn something new. To attempt to finish the New Testament. This is what I have learned... Paul, God's most devout athiest up until God showed himself to Paul, is warning the Corinthians that of all the guardians who surround us in Christ, not all of them are worthy of imitation. Some non-Christians are turned away for this very reason from God. We can't as a body in Christ let ourselves become arrogant. Paul talked of coming to visit in saying:
I look like I am doing something important... writing this blog... but this is my way of analyzing my heart, and it is not "good." For the sake of my own desires to succeed, I have left God in the dust when he's the only one that can get me through it. I'm curious... where are you with or without God? And how much pain and struggle do you fight to grasp power? I'm also asking myself this question... For me, I am avoiding servitude. The longer I wait to join back with my loving Christ, the more I feel alone. Why do I feel alone? Because I'm separating myself from God.
I stayed up last night doing homework, saw the clock this morning, and rolled over convinced I couldn't get ready for church that quickly. I am stubborn, and have to learn the lesson over and over again... what am I without God? I'm powerless, I'm ugly, and I have no motivation. If you are Godless, is this how you feel?
Its been a while since I've opened up the Bible on my own to learn something new. To attempt to finish the New Testament. This is what I have learned... Paul, God's most devout athiest up until God showed himself to Paul, is warning the Corinthians that of all the guardians who surround us in Christ, not all of them are worthy of imitation. Some non-Christians are turned away for this very reason from God. We can't as a body in Christ let ourselves become arrogant. Paul talked of coming to visit in saying:
1 Corinthians 4:19-21
"But I will come to you very soon, if the Lord is willing, and then I will find out not only how these arrogant people are talking, but what power they have. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power. What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love with a gentle spirit?"I look like I am doing something important... writing this blog... but this is my way of analyzing my heart, and it is not "good." For the sake of my own desires to succeed, I have left God in the dust when he's the only one that can get me through it. I'm curious... where are you with or without God? And how much pain and struggle do you fight to grasp power? I'm also asking myself this question... For me, I am avoiding servitude. The longer I wait to join back with my loving Christ, the more I feel alone. Why do I feel alone? Because I'm separating myself from God.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
What do you hold on to?
After a moment of self reflection and a moment of reflecting on other's lives, I ask what do you hold on to?
Some very simple concepts are trickery to the brain. We don't cling to what is logical, we cling to something that is just there. For example...
We cling as easily to failure as we do to insecurities, falsehoods, etc. Anything that is most irrational we find comfort in blaming.
Yet I wonder... how many people look in the mirror and see the person God sees in each one of us? How many of us settle instead because we find the flaws in ourselves unworthy of anything more?
And how many of us can see genuine love and aren't blinded by the call of the world?
I can't say I think about this frequently, because God has opened my heart to be a little less self conscious, a little more accepting, and much more understanding in the last few years. I sometimes feel guilt for not feeling like I'm meeting expectations made by God and made by myself. When will we show face for Christ Jesus and except the beauty he has bestowed upon us to be a reflection of His greatest glory? Jesus doesn't expect perfection. He wants us to accept his compassion, love, and desire to bring happiness and hope to the world.
A few verses I would like to remember:
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4 TNIV
Some very simple concepts are trickery to the brain. We don't cling to what is logical, we cling to something that is just there. For example...
We cling as easily to failure as we do to insecurities, falsehoods, etc. Anything that is most irrational we find comfort in blaming.
Yet I wonder... how many people look in the mirror and see the person God sees in each one of us? How many of us settle instead because we find the flaws in ourselves unworthy of anything more?
And how many of us can see genuine love and aren't blinded by the call of the world?
I can't say I think about this frequently, because God has opened my heart to be a little less self conscious, a little more accepting, and much more understanding in the last few years. I sometimes feel guilt for not feeling like I'm meeting expectations made by God and made by myself. When will we show face for Christ Jesus and except the beauty he has bestowed upon us to be a reflection of His greatest glory? Jesus doesn't expect perfection. He wants us to accept his compassion, love, and desire to bring happiness and hope to the world.
A few verses I would like to remember:
How long will you men turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ?
Psalm 4:2
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46:4 TNIV
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
1 Corinthians 13:3-5
1 Corinthians 13:3-5
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Storms of life
This blog entry is dedicated to a specific friend who asked me to write an entry for her. Not only might she experience some weather from Hurricane Irene, but she also is seeking a new perspective.
When I'm asked to write this blog entry, I immediately thought of Jonah. Jonah, in the old testament, was swallowed by a whale after being thrown overboard. Ultimately, Jonah had been given the task to spread the word of God to a certain group of people, but because he did not want to do the task, he went off in the opposite direction and boarded a ship. When a destructive storm threatened to take their boat, those on the ship cast lots- similar to flipping a coin- to see who brought God's wrath on their ship. When the lot landed on Jonah, he was thrown off the ship and swallowed by a whale. As you see in the following passage, Jonah knew what he had to do to save the men and save himself.
He remained in the belly of the whale for 3 days and nights, until he prayed to God and In my life, when I hit a rocky path I look at my troubling circumstances two ways: If I'm not in God's will and I allow him, he will correct my path, or if I don't allow him, I will suffer much turmoil until I am willing to open my ears. Believe it or not, I am often challenged with this dilemma, and this summer has lead me to take the easy way... through staying in God's will.
Jonah 2:1-10
From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
So what is my advice? When your life is full of turmoil, turn to the Lord, and our savior Jesus Christ. Through his death and resurrection he gave us eternal life... the ability to be freed from sin and given the direction by the holy spirit that lives within those who believe.
Secondly, think about what you say and don't judge the ill at heart. Treat your neighbor as yourself. Love your enemy. If you can follow these things, turmoil will pass you by because nothing is too great for our God to handle. Don't tell God how big your storm is, rather, tell the storm how big your God is.
how shall we escape if we ignore so great a salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. Hebrews 2:3
When I'm asked to write this blog entry, I immediately thought of Jonah. Jonah, in the old testament, was swallowed by a whale after being thrown overboard. Ultimately, Jonah had been given the task to spread the word of God to a certain group of people, but because he did not want to do the task, he went off in the opposite direction and boarded a ship. When a destructive storm threatened to take their boat, those on the ship cast lots- similar to flipping a coin- to see who brought God's wrath on their ship. When the lot landed on Jonah, he was thrown off the ship and swallowed by a whale. As you see in the following passage, Jonah knew what he had to do to save the men and save himself.
Jonah 1:12-16
“Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.” Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. Then they cried out to the LORD, “Please, LORD, do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, LORD, have done as you pleased.” Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. At this the men greatly feared the LORD, and they offered a sacrifice to the LORD and made vows to him.
He remained in the belly of the whale for 3 days and nights, until he prayed to God and In my life, when I hit a rocky path I look at my troubling circumstances two ways: If I'm not in God's will and I allow him, he will correct my path, or if I don't allow him, I will suffer much turmoil until I am willing to open my ears. Believe it or not, I am often challenged with this dilemma, and this summer has lead me to take the easy way... through staying in God's will.
Jonah 2:1-10
From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:
“In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
and he answered me.
From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the depths,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me,
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
brought my life up from the pit.
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you, LORD my God,
brought my life up from the pit.
“When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
“Those who cling to worthless idols
turn away from God’s love for them.
turn away from God’s love for them.
But I, with shouts of grateful praise,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the LORD.’”
And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.
Matthew 12:38-40
Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.”
He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man [Jesus] will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.
Secondly, think about what you say and don't judge the ill at heart. Treat your neighbor as yourself. Love your enemy. If you can follow these things, turmoil will pass you by because nothing is too great for our God to handle. Don't tell God how big your storm is, rather, tell the storm how big your God is.
Matthew 12:33-37
“Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Monday, August 15, 2011
Let's be real
So, I've noticed some things about myself. At times I am feisty, brainless, self-revolving, and fast to complain. If you or I were to ignore our most passionate outbursts and FAIL to claim them as a part of us, we would both be lying and not be human. So, after a very long day of anxious thoughts and lots of sleeping, I would like to ask this... what is it that makes the negativity become what we are? Why do we complain, struggle, fight, when we have so much to be thankful for?
A life centered around God is productive and full of joy. I know this because I've been there. Our biggest problem is keeping God at the center of our lives. Ironically enough, I went to biblegateway.com and the verse of the day is this:
“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” Romans 14:8
The problem is, we feel abandoned, unclaimed, alone. But God will have us. We don't have to feel insignificant, even when we feel this way about ourselves.
Again, randomly I chose a verse in Proverbs; 15:21.
Folly brings joy to those who have no sense,
but those who have understanding keep a straight course.
Why do we choose the easy path? Why do we get lazy when we get stressed? What is your defense mechanism and how can God heal you to be the best that you can be? These are the words I need to hear. Those who have understanding keep a straight course.
A life centered around God is productive and full of joy. I know this because I've been there. Our biggest problem is keeping God at the center of our lives. Ironically enough, I went to biblegateway.com and the verse of the day is this:
“If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” Romans 14:8
The problem is, we feel abandoned, unclaimed, alone. But God will have us. We don't have to feel insignificant, even when we feel this way about ourselves.
Again, randomly I chose a verse in Proverbs; 15:21.
Folly brings joy to those who have no sense,
but those who have understanding keep a straight course.
Why do we choose the easy path? Why do we get lazy when we get stressed? What is your defense mechanism and how can God heal you to be the best that you can be? These are the words I need to hear. Those who have understanding keep a straight course.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Does God Speak? God in my life.
It's an interesting question being asked how God speaks to me... but, everyone has a different viewpoint. Some people are more conscientious of themselves than others in terms of obedience, and I believe our receptiveness to God's challenges guide what we will "hear" as well as "receive".
If we know the Bible and are conscientious of our actions, our tendencies to know our wrongs are much greater. If I try to "control" my life, I have a sense of anxiety from knowing my control is not part of God's plan. I know, for example, that totaling my car was "likely inevitable" based on my attitude that "I" can play catch up and the lesson isn't merely "Don't go fast, and watch out for curves and slippery spots," but rather, what choices will I make now when I have less? What will I change in my life to keep me from rushing at the last minute? What will I do now with an attitude pleasing to God to handle my circumstances? When we are willing to listen, we handle problems with a positive attitude. We are receptive and do not shut God out. When I shut God out I become cold to others and selfish. When I have a positive attitude and look to the Bible for wisdom and pray, I am open to correction and more selfless in my motivations and actions.
A second lesson I encountered from totaling my car was that maybe God isn't only speaking to me through the accident. Maybe, God was trying to show my parents that had I gone on the mission trip I wanted to go on, I would have had the entire expense paid for plus some with the money they used to buy me a new car. When we are in God's will he will take care of us. Some of God's lessons aren't cheap... but sometimes its the only way he can get our attention. With money.
Over the course of my time here in PA, I feel like I've learned a lot about living as a mature and humble servant to Christ. Sometimes exposure to the real world makes us more aware of how much we really need God. I like to think about it this way... if your actions change depending on who you are with- church, family or friends, how are you being true to yourself? How are you representing Christ as a living example today? What is the root of your shame and has correction or acceptance made your condition "ok?" Those living without shame are either ignoring God's calling to become Christlike, or have humbled themselves before God and know that being humbled by the spirit has taken away their shame. The pursuit of Christ's rather than man's ultimate desire for us will pave the path in life and make our steps light footed. By this I mean easier to handle. Not all that witness the work of God in us will be accepting, but when love for one another rather than selfish pursuits is the focus, life works out as God intends.
So live your life by "what would Jesus do?" When we are too conscientious of our actions, we dwell on the thought of making a mistake. Obsession is also a sin and yields little. When we live for Jesus, we know that trouble will come our way because we believe that Satan will pursue the humble and poor in spirit. We also know that the humble and poor in spirit will appear less afflicted because their "dependency on the world" is lesser. When Jesus becomes our daily bread rather than our actions, desires, and looks, we are less distracted by "the world."
God doesn't speak through literal words, often it is the sermon I am drawn to attend, or the praise and worship that ministers to my spiritual needs. Through being obedient to attend I learn WHY I was brought to this place of worship and what God has in store for me. Maybe I take teaching more literally than others, but I prefer being taught by Jesus, the perfect teacher, than dwelling on my own attempts that fail me and lead me to stumble.
If we know the Bible and are conscientious of our actions, our tendencies to know our wrongs are much greater. If I try to "control" my life, I have a sense of anxiety from knowing my control is not part of God's plan. I know, for example, that totaling my car was "likely inevitable" based on my attitude that "I" can play catch up and the lesson isn't merely "Don't go fast, and watch out for curves and slippery spots," but rather, what choices will I make now when I have less? What will I change in my life to keep me from rushing at the last minute? What will I do now with an attitude pleasing to God to handle my circumstances? When we are willing to listen, we handle problems with a positive attitude. We are receptive and do not shut God out. When I shut God out I become cold to others and selfish. When I have a positive attitude and look to the Bible for wisdom and pray, I am open to correction and more selfless in my motivations and actions.
A second lesson I encountered from totaling my car was that maybe God isn't only speaking to me through the accident. Maybe, God was trying to show my parents that had I gone on the mission trip I wanted to go on, I would have had the entire expense paid for plus some with the money they used to buy me a new car. When we are in God's will he will take care of us. Some of God's lessons aren't cheap... but sometimes its the only way he can get our attention. With money.
Over the course of my time here in PA, I feel like I've learned a lot about living as a mature and humble servant to Christ. Sometimes exposure to the real world makes us more aware of how much we really need God. I like to think about it this way... if your actions change depending on who you are with- church, family or friends, how are you being true to yourself? How are you representing Christ as a living example today? What is the root of your shame and has correction or acceptance made your condition "ok?" Those living without shame are either ignoring God's calling to become Christlike, or have humbled themselves before God and know that being humbled by the spirit has taken away their shame. The pursuit of Christ's rather than man's ultimate desire for us will pave the path in life and make our steps light footed. By this I mean easier to handle. Not all that witness the work of God in us will be accepting, but when love for one another rather than selfish pursuits is the focus, life works out as God intends.
So live your life by "what would Jesus do?" When we are too conscientious of our actions, we dwell on the thought of making a mistake. Obsession is also a sin and yields little. When we live for Jesus, we know that trouble will come our way because we believe that Satan will pursue the humble and poor in spirit. We also know that the humble and poor in spirit will appear less afflicted because their "dependency on the world" is lesser. When Jesus becomes our daily bread rather than our actions, desires, and looks, we are less distracted by "the world."
God doesn't speak through literal words, often it is the sermon I am drawn to attend, or the praise and worship that ministers to my spiritual needs. Through being obedient to attend I learn WHY I was brought to this place of worship and what God has in store for me. Maybe I take teaching more literally than others, but I prefer being taught by Jesus, the perfect teacher, than dwelling on my own attempts that fail me and lead me to stumble.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy paths.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Does God Speak?
Apparently, I have written on this exact topic before. This time however, I have been enlightened. Acts 2:17-21 reveals much about this topic often pondered. Some people experiencing near death scenarios will see Jesus, a bright light, etc., but the question here is, does man on Earth today still see angels, have dreams, etc sent from God? If not now, we are told we will before the end of the world by the prophet Joel.
Acts 2 continues with this encouraging set of verses. I'd like to describe the words that follow as "soft love."
17 “‘In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
18 Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy.
19 I will show wonders in the heaven above
and signs on the earth below,
blood and fire and billows of smoke.
20 The sun will be turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord.
21 And everyone who calls
on the name of the Lord will be saved.’
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
18 Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy.
19 I will show wonders in the heaven above
and signs on the earth below,
blood and fire and billows of smoke.
20 The sun will be turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord.
21 And everyone who calls
on the name of the Lord will be saved.’
Acts 2 continues with this encouraging set of verses. I'd like to describe the words that follow as "soft love."
25 David said about him:
“‘I saw the Lord always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
26 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest in hope,
27 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
you will not let your holy one see decay.
28 You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.’
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
26 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest in hope,
27 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
you will not let your holy one see decay.
28 You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.’
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
When my zucchini is as soft as my heart
When I finally learned that its more than "ok" to not be in control all the time, my life got so much better. Today I smiled on the way home thinking, "I've never been this ok with being where I'm at." I recall telling Chris this weekend about Sheila saying in church that if you think of life as looking forward to a particular moment you can't enjoy the present. A baby's first words, entering kindergarten, etc, life becomes a game of waiting. Who likes to wait? Though even reciting this to myself as I dreamed about my own desires for life, what I anticipated for my soon to be 23rd golden year, I couldn't keep my thoughts of my hopes. At work I started singing a couple words and a coworker who is the jolliest skinniest safety nerd I've ever met caught me. Then he started teasing me when I wasn't singing the next time he came by. What if we had a hope, a dream, a future for the everlasting? What if we knew there was a paradise waiting for us, that wouldn't leave our future even if we kept our eyes on today?
Yes, I'm talking about Heaven. I'm talking about the everlasting treasure I have in my salvation.
My friend once said my blog isn't me, it isn't about me, and I only focus on God. She was right. In order to have the life Jesus wants of me, Christ and myself have to be in the same sentence. Christ delights in myself, and all his children, we should show delight for him through our love!
As I was reading through the Bible today with Chris, and I told him I almost could have cried reading John 21 verses 15-19. How often do we feel reeled in, feel like we are being dragged to do what Christ calls us for?
When will be the moment we follow? How many times do we need to be asked? Christ died for you and for me, he rose again, and walked the Earth once again!
We make assumptions that what God asks us to do will be too hard. We doubt that having a little faith will actually make life easier, but hear this:
When will you follow? When will our actions not quench us? When will we see how glorious He really is? I can tell you with every breath in my body He is so. Believe!
Blood shed over a mushroom
Yes, I'm talking about Heaven. I'm talking about the everlasting treasure I have in my salvation.
My friend once said my blog isn't me, it isn't about me, and I only focus on God. She was right. In order to have the life Jesus wants of me, Christ and myself have to be in the same sentence. Christ delights in myself, and all his children, we should show delight for him through our love!
As I was reading through the Bible today with Chris, and I told him I almost could have cried reading John 21 verses 15-19. How often do we feel reeled in, feel like we are being dragged to do what Christ calls us for?
15 When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
16 Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. 18 Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” 19 Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”
When will be the moment we follow? How many times do we need to be asked? Christ died for you and for me, he rose again, and walked the Earth once again!
We make assumptions that what God asks us to do will be too hard. We doubt that having a little faith will actually make life easier, but hear this:
27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”
28 Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:27-29
When will you follow? When will our actions not quench us? When will we see how glorious He really is? I can tell you with every breath in my body He is so. Believe!
Blood shed over a mushroom
- 1 portabella
- hot salsa
- Gorgonzola cheese
- zucchini- sliced
- italian seasoning
- dried basil
- olive oil
Monday, July 18, 2011
Thankfulness and Mushrooms
Its hard to be thankful when you have everything... or close to everything. In fact, the more I've lost recently, the more I've become less dependent on the things I have. Its peculiar that way, but after facing difficult circumstances in life, we learn to live without. The one I cannot live without however, is Jesus, my daily bread. With gratitude comes serious attitude adjustments, i.e. we learn that we aren't the only one's who's lives are unfair and that everyone is facing challenging circumstances. In fact, when we lean on each other and reflect on God, we are humbled into having happy hearts once again. What we are most dependent on, we would be better off losing.
Philippians 3:8 is my new favorite verse, it says:
I believe that no one can be truly happy without the bread of life even if everything else in life is perfect. We all have temper tantrums, get massive anxiety, and are ready to implode from holding in the stress. Somehow, God has used the entire summer to humble me, to teach me, and hopefully, to encourage others. Its funny to think about how bitter we become towards ourselves and others, and how our strength doesn't have to be entirely our own.
I'd like to reinforce the fact that I am far from perfect. That although I am trying to read through the entire new testament this summer, my boyfriend is more or less gently picking me up with the shovel and sliding me across the bumpy path. WHY IS THAT? Humility has changed my heart. I realize there are some things I can't do easily on my own. One is organizing my time outside of work to be efficient yet stress free. I also like cooking, which takes up some of my time. But by the two of us reading through the Bible together I am less stressed out, and getting more done than I was.
This comes to another conclusion I'd like to make. "If you can, DO." I work with very nice people, but the humblest are the mexicans who push food into your mouth and make you laugh. When have people made you laugh, and what does their heart look like? On the second to worst day of my summer here in Coatesville, I got a lesson about God at work. In summary, the mexican man who could easily have been my father said, Don't sweat the small stuff, and watch out because God's watching. We can't always have our way. We can always learn the hard way, but the easy way is so much better. He told me about his life's struggles, and I was taken back by how happy he was, and yet, his wife was paralyzed in a car accident so can't live with him, and he lost many years to drinking and over working where he ended up not getting his earned pay week after week. I could have chosen the hard path after talking to him, but I decided the easy path was better. I am so glad I did.
I just randomly opened up the Bible, and found a very applicable verse. Job 34:2-23 says so well,
And I conclude...
Philippians 3:8 is my new favorite verse, it says:
What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.
I'd like to reinforce the fact that I am far from perfect. That although I am trying to read through the entire new testament this summer, my boyfriend is more or less gently picking me up with the shovel and sliding me across the bumpy path. WHY IS THAT? Humility has changed my heart. I realize there are some things I can't do easily on my own. One is organizing my time outside of work to be efficient yet stress free. I also like cooking, which takes up some of my time. But by the two of us reading through the Bible together I am less stressed out, and getting more done than I was.
This comes to another conclusion I'd like to make. "If you can, DO." I work with very nice people, but the humblest are the mexicans who push food into your mouth and make you laugh. When have people made you laugh, and what does their heart look like? On the second to worst day of my summer here in Coatesville, I got a lesson about God at work. In summary, the mexican man who could easily have been my father said, Don't sweat the small stuff, and watch out because God's watching. We can't always have our way. We can always learn the hard way, but the easy way is so much better. He told me about his life's struggles, and I was taken back by how happy he was, and yet, his wife was paralyzed in a car accident so can't live with him, and he lost many years to drinking and over working where he ended up not getting his earned pay week after week. I could have chosen the hard path after talking to him, but I decided the easy path was better. I am so glad I did.
I just randomly opened up the Bible, and found a very applicable verse. Job 34:2-23 says so well,
"Hear my words, you wise men; listen to me, you men of learning.
For the ear tests words as the tongue tastes food.
Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good.
Job says " I am innocent, but God denies me justice.
Although I am right, I am considered a liar;
although I am guiltless, his arrow inflict an incurable wound."
What man is like Job, who drinks scorn like water?
He keeps company with evildoers;
he associates with wicked men.
For he says, "It profits a man nothing when he tries to please God."
So listen to me, you men of understanding.
Far be it from God to do evil, from the Almighty to do wrong.
He repays a man for what he has done;
he brings upon him what his conduct deserves.
It is unthinkable that God would do wrong,
that the Almighty would pervert justice.
Who appointed him over the earth?
Who put him in charge of the whole world?
If it were his intention and he withdrew his spirit and breath,
all mankind would perish together and man would return to the dust.
“If you have understanding, hear this;
listen to what I say.
listen to what I say.
Can one who hates justice govern?
Will you condemn the just and mighty One?
Is he not the One who says to kings, ‘You are worthless,’
and to nobles, ‘You are wicked,’
who shows no partiality to princes
and does not favor the rich over the poor,
for they are all the work of his hands?
Will you condemn the just and mighty One?
Is he not the One who says to kings, ‘You are worthless,’
and to nobles, ‘You are wicked,’
who shows no partiality to princes
and does not favor the rich over the poor,
for they are all the work of his hands?
They die in an instant, in the middle of the night;
the people are shaken and they pass away;
the mighty are removed without human hand.
the people are shaken and they pass away;
the mighty are removed without human hand.
“His eyes are on the ways of mortals;
he sees their every step.
he sees their every step.
There is no deep shadow, no utter darkness,
where evildoers can hide.
God has no need to examine people further,
that they should come before him for judgment.
where evildoers can hide.
God has no need to examine people further,
that they should come before him for judgment.
Now for some meatballs. Here's my recipe, its what I had.
2 pieces honey wheat bread, torn
1 large chopped portabella
1 egg
3 preformed hamburger patties
1/2 large onion
3 cloves garlic chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon mustard powder
water
olive oilDefrost hamburger patties or ground meat. Put egg, mustard powder, salt, onion, and garlic in bowl. Break up and add the frozen ground meat, bread, and 1/2 a cup to a cup of water (as needed). Mix well with hands. Add portabella. Form into balls.
To cook, add olive oil to cover pan. Put mushroom meatballs or rounded patties in pan. Put on medium high to get cooking. I flipped them a few times, then covered pan with a plate for a good three minutes on each side at a medium low heat. Uncover frying pan to brown the sides. Pat off excess oil if desired. Enjoy with ketchup.
And I conclude...
John 6:26-40
Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. On him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”
Then they asked him, “What must we do to do the works God requires?”
Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”
So they asked him, “What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do? Our ancestors ate the manna in the wilderness; as it is written: ‘He gave them bread from heaven to eat.’
Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, it is not Moses who has given you the bread from heaven, but it is my Father who gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is the bread that comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.”
“Sir,” they said, “always give us this bread.”
Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. All whom the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”
Thursday, May 19, 2011
In a perfect world...
My friends have said,
Others say,
Personally, I agree and disagree with the last statement. I find the best speakers the one's that I can relate to, the one's that share their burdens and show how God got them through each battlefield. That's why people who have had 360 life changes become motivational speakers... because their lives have to be relatively worse than ours, don't they?
When I speak faith to people, faith in Jesus Christ, I am exposing myself, my heart. Every time I stand up against someone for Christ, I am hoping to see change that gives me the strength to continue. Giving more than people want to hear stresses me out, but when was Jesus not stressed for us? Didn't he suffer through every trial for us? Jesus was a gift to us, but do we ever look at our lives as a trial of faith for Him?
I, like everyone else, can live every day believing I am not good enough. I, like everyone else, can mope about leaving everyone I love for a career. But does that change anything? No, it just adds to the stress. When I lean on God, I am fearless.
I know from experience that I hate when people say... Satan is manipulating you, but really, if you looked at every choice you made, how many of them would Jesus have made to the same end?
If you think about your past experiences, what has or hasn't bettered you? What has or hasn't made you stronger? Is it easier for you to block out God and trust no one?
Matthew 13:14 You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,
In Kay Arthur's book "Lord Only You Can Change Me" (which, admittedly I was lent over a year ago and am finally getting to the end of it because I too, didn't want to hear what it had to say because it is sometimes easier to resist change and stay angry) I have learned so much of the sufferings of Christians.
Haralan Popov wrote about communism terrorizing believers in attempt of destroying the Christian faith:
So, I might ask, why can't we lean on each other and share each other's burdens? Why do we fight to compete instead of embracing each other? Why do we have to do it alone?
The answer is,
We don't have to do it alone. But when we suffer our own grievances instead of giving them over to God, we can't embrace our sisters and brothers in Christ who need us most. What if God allowed Satan to take away from us the one thing that was holding us together? Who would we lean on then?
This is my prayer...
- why don't you ever talk about your problems? Your life must be perfect.
Others say,
- nothing good happens to me. My life is horrible. The only reason I am still standing is because of this, or that.
- Nothing good happens to me, so this can't be happening.
- "We each deal with different things in different ways. I wish you the best of luck really"
- "Its really no big deal. Different strokes for different folks. I have my beliefs that work for me and you have yours that work for you :)"
Personally, I agree and disagree with the last statement. I find the best speakers the one's that I can relate to, the one's that share their burdens and show how God got them through each battlefield. That's why people who have had 360 life changes become motivational speakers... because their lives have to be relatively worse than ours, don't they?
When I speak faith to people, faith in Jesus Christ, I am exposing myself, my heart. Every time I stand up against someone for Christ, I am hoping to see change that gives me the strength to continue. Giving more than people want to hear stresses me out, but when was Jesus not stressed for us? Didn't he suffer through every trial for us? Jesus was a gift to us, but do we ever look at our lives as a trial of faith for Him?
I, like everyone else, can live every day believing I am not good enough. I, like everyone else, can mope about leaving everyone I love for a career. But does that change anything? No, it just adds to the stress. When I lean on God, I am fearless.
I know from experience that I hate when people say... Satan is manipulating you, but really, if you looked at every choice you made, how many of them would Jesus have made to the same end?
1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, that proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
If you think about your past experiences, what has or hasn't bettered you? What has or hasn't made you stronger? Is it easier for you to block out God and trust no one?
Matthew 13:14 You will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,
In Kay Arthur's book "Lord Only You Can Change Me" (which, admittedly I was lent over a year ago and am finally getting to the end of it because I too, didn't want to hear what it had to say because it is sometimes easier to resist change and stay angry) I have learned so much of the sufferings of Christians.
Haralan Popov wrote about communism terrorizing believers in attempt of destroying the Christian faith:
"As the fires of persecution grew, they burned away the chaff and stubble and left only the golden wheat. The suffering purified the church and united the believers in a wonderful spirit of brotherly love such as must have existed in the early church. Petty differences were put aside. Brethren loved and cared for one another and carried one another's burdens. There were no nominal or 'lukewarm' believers" (Popov in Arthur 217)
So, I might ask, why can't we lean on each other and share each other's burdens? Why do we fight to compete instead of embracing each other? Why do we have to do it alone?
The answer is,
We don't have to do it alone. But when we suffer our own grievances instead of giving them over to God, we can't embrace our sisters and brothers in Christ who need us most. What if God allowed Satan to take away from us the one thing that was holding us together? Who would we lean on then?
This is my prayer...
Ephesians 3:16-21
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wednesday NT90X
Matthew 10:16-17
Jesus to his disciples "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. Be on your guard; you will be handed over to the local councils and be flogged in synagogues.
Matthew 11:16-17
To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others:
'We played the pipe for you,
and you did not dance;
we sang a dirge,
and you did not mourn.' (This is me without the spirit)
Matthew 11:20
Then Jesus began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent
11:25-30 At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
“All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
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