Hurting

Sometimes, when my heart stings, I wonder why God lets it be. But even convincing myself that its not from God isn't enough to take the pain away.

Job 23:10
But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

In middle school, my mom stopped taking us to church. We all had too much homework to do she'd say, Dad was working overtime, and the attitudes toward my family when we actually showed up seemed of judgment rather than concern. Perhaps that's why I enjoy Riverview now, you can slip right in and not have to talk to anyone because the congregation is large and there's too many services offered for people to get to know you. The penetrating eyes of judgment makes it hard to feel comfortable. This feeling has stayed with me until now. My parents still haven't returned to our old church, and they haven't sought after another. I wish I could say that the impression left on me didn't mark my thoughts, but it has. Why would I tell this story? I have only began to comprehend the necessity of a church family that cares deeply for its members. Correction of other Christians is addressed in the Bible, which is important, but the following verse addresses building on Christ. You cannot build a Church without Christ as the foundation. Fellowship that holds Christians up through correction is important. I also wish honesty wasn't saying my parents turn to CSI instead of God now, and I wonder where the reliance is that they have on Christ.

Cor. 3:10-15 By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

It hurts my heart that my dad's sister's family is part of New Tribes, but my dad doesn't attend church except for Christmas with my grandparents. I thought to myself, if I got baptized, or if I left the country with Campus Crusade that maybe being a sacrificial child for Christ would be enough. I ask for prayer for them because I don't have the guts to confront the issue with them myself. And no, I didn't leave the country for missions this summer because I'm in debt and need to make money. My guilty conscious says my motivation for going to Africa was to escape my life. I'm not perfect, and that is why I'm writing this blog. There isn't a such thing as a perfect Christian! Only one that has received the wonderful gift of mercy and grace given by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Why must we work hard?

Why must we work hard isn't really the question. The question is, What are we working hard to accomplish? Does our heart reflect Christ in our lives? Does it change our motivation? I'm quick to laziness, quick to distractions. We all have idols in life that become more important than our purpose. What are my idols, and what is my purpose?

Going through Kay Arthur's book "Lord, Only You Can Change Me," this topic has been broached. The next set of verses I may be where my heart is at, but do my actions reflect this?

Philippians 3:7-10
But whatsoever was to my profit I now consider a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith.

How can you truly be a testament to this? Have you been frustrated with not getting your way? Challenged by disappointment? How have you responded? Have you been denied by Christ? NO. In order to live with the desires of our heart quenched, we must see through the mind and heart of Christ. We must ALSO have faith that he has the best for us in mind. Christ suffered for us, so that we may live in Him and in doing so, turn away from the world's riches to the everlasting riches God offers us through His son Jesus Christ.

Hebrews 11:1-3
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

God's purpose for us is to make Jesus our priority through life and to share Jesus with others so they may also live with the faith and hope He gives us. We may not see QUICK results in any of our actions.

Hebrews 11:8-12
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.

Why must we work hard? What are we to do?
Proverbs 27:23-26
Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds; for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations. When the hay is removed and new growth appears and the grass from the hills is gathered in, the lambs will provide you with clothing, and the goats with the price of a field.

Proverbs 14:23
All hard work brings profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Psalm 90:17
May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands.

What happens when we are in God's favor?

Psalm 91:5-7, 9-12
You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
If you make the Most High your dwelling- even the Lord, who is my refuge- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

Casting out fear

Every moment through Christ is a cherished memory. As I rewind my life, my obedience to Him has brought me so much joy. As He knew, He placed me in the loving care of the arms that hold me on Earth. Every day, I am tempted by stress; tempted to sleep away all my anxiety. I wish I could say that I am doing a good job at abiding in His strength instead of mine own, but through and through, His words give me comfort. For the words of the Bible are the source of life for things to come.
Revelation 22:1-5
Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city. On each side of the river stood the tree of life, bearing twelve crops of fruit, yielding its fruit every month. And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night, They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

Every time I deny Him, I am denying myself.
1 John 3:18-24
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence when our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

He is good to warn us of the Spirits of the Antichrist and provides us with His love.

1 John 4:2
Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God.

1 John 4:16-18
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Love

Passion comes from love, not love from passion. Often times love is construed to be what its not. In order to live and love to the fullest, we must follow God's teaching first.

Proverbs 3:3-4
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

Even in my relationship with my boyfriend, I failed to see the sin in pursuing a physical relationship that did not become sexual. My mind was changed when I read this verse:

1 Corinthians 6:19
Do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

If you pursue Christ before your boyfriend/girlfriend, He will bless you as an heir to His kingdom:

Romans 8:12-17
Therefore brothers (fellow Christians), we have an obligation - but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Therefore, consider Galatians 1:10 that asks if you are trying to win the approval of men or of God. If you were trying to please men, you would not be a servant of Christ. I have struggled with this in many ways this last year. For the first time this week, I have been able to see Christ for who he really is and have found my servitude to follow Him first. I do not have to be submissive to my boyfriend or him to me. We do not belong to each other as we belong to Christ. As a final note today, I would like to note that I have no regrets in making a list of guidelines/rules in my current relationship.

The last stand.

As I stand on my head I start to realize the blood is blocking my senses from making a wise decision about starting a blog. I have no interest in having one or maintaining one, but here I am... facebook, deviantart, and a blogspot later. Maybe when I wake up I'll take note of this fantasy I've entered and perhaps have some wisdom on some topic I am studying to share. For now I'll share a verse.

1 Corinthians 15:58

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor is not in vain.

AMEN to that.