Baptism testimony in quotes:
"I don't really remember my life
prior to accepting Jesus, my savior, from my sins at the age of 6, but
my understanding of God's gift of Jesus Christ lead me to writing this
poem.
With love Jesus bound
His body to a tree
His perfection the battle ground
Kneeling to God did He.
The thorns and needles took
His skin of bleeding sweat
Through love his surrender shook
Forgiving sinners' repentance.
For lying not in the grave
After 3 days did He
Arise from the dead and save
Lives exponentially.
Accepting
Christ, the perfect one, as my savior kept me from many temptations
throughout my pre-college years. I got the grades early on and through
high school, went to church regularly through middle school and attended
a youth group program from a toddler through high school.
When I
went to college and left my family behind however, I became very unsure
of my future, was unhappy with my first major choice, and sunk into a
depression that I expressed only through written poetry.
Wanting
to continue seeking Christ, I attended bible study and real life
regularly my freshman year, but, I only let God seep into the skin, not
into my heart. The box of unassembled puzzle pieces was my life, an
unordered burden, I insisted on carrying.
As I changed my major
and was hired to work in a lab that became my home, I became so
dedicated to my job that I started making excuses for missing REAL LIFE,
the only religious event that I attended my sophomore year. Without
that weekly renewal of Christ I became exponentially stressed out, and
both my self esteem and grades caplunked again.
At this point in
my life, people's views of me began to matter more than my life through
Jesus Christ, as if someone had mixed in pieces from the wrong puzzle to
keep me from completing my life puzzle through Christ. When a guy
fractured my self esteem, I would dye my hair to find my own new
identity. Fortunately, at this time in my life my bible study leader
Elissa, from freshman year, was there for me, asking if I was reading my
bible and going to church, which, I wasn't. She may have thought her
actions were insignificant at the time, and perhaps I was too stubborn
in the moment to listen, but her words stuck with me, and she was
persistent.
I'd fallen back from God when I needed him most, and
my sophomore year had separated me so far from him it was difficult to
pray. Out of unhappiness and frustration, I turned back to bible study
and real life. For the first time since freshman year I felt comfortable
opening up at bible study to other Christian girls. As I've reflected
the last week (week prior to my baptism on Nov 1, 2009), I searched for
verses that fulfill me now, one particular set of verses being:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
And
he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is
made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in
my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore I
take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in
persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then
am I strong.
These two verses stuck out to me because my number one
stress factor is chaos. Through Jesus Christ the pieces that don't
belong in my life become clear and the burden of assembling the pieces
isn't mine to bear. Instead of finding a hopeless identity in a dye job
that won't last, I have found my renewed identity in Christ because, it
doesn't matter what other people think of you, it's what Christ thinks
of you. Today I'd like to demonstrate through baptism my perseverance
for Christ through recognition of his death and resurrection for me."
A
month or so after my baptism, I followed up with Christ at a week long
Christmas conference called IndyCC. It was there that I first realized
what redemption was, and that I could live free from the weight that
seemed to hold me.
Towards the end of the conference I realized I
wanted God to open me up more, to actually break me. I am not a control
freak, or as any control freak would say, "I know someone who is a lot
worse off than me" (stating that doesn't prove anything, it just says
that "I'm ok with it and its not going to change"). A week or so later
my dad told me that there was a severe storm coming and since we live in
Michigan, it was going to be bad for me if I stayed out too late- an
unexperienced Winter driver in a blizzard on bald tires. I kinda only
partly listened to that because I wanted to get some film developed and
it took more than an hour. On the way home, I went from a complete stop
around a sharp corner, went too fast, over corrected for a slide, and
messed up my car's alignment very badly. I was really shaken up, but my
sister who was in the seat beside me was my life saver. She
-->:iconAWpHarm8D: kept me calm as I soon realized the right turn I
would make would be directly into oncoming traffic since my car could no
longer turn right accurately. We made it home safely but my sister
called my mom to call my dad. I couldn't face that.
Just prior to
IndyCC, I had told a friend of mine that I liked him. We were going to
discuss it after break, but when I wrecked my car, and followed that
with "The Notebook," which had me balling to tears, I realized my best
friend and favorite forever guy in the world was and is, my current
boyfriend. I realized for the previous two years he had been nothing but
comforting to me and he never saw me as the whiny childish girl that I
was. He claimed to know how I felt, and I had traded that in for what?
WHAT?
I felt like I didn't even know this guy who had been the
best thing in my life. He got me on DA, where I immediately started
writing poetry. He always reminded me that God had a plan for my life.
It was that moment, broken hearted crying in my bed that I accepted the
possibility that maybe :iconXopherTAF: was the one God had planted there
for me all along.
In recent times- AKA this past summer, I lived
in another state from my family on my own( well, I had housemates but I
didn't know them prior to moving in) for the first time in my life. God
took me through another whirlwind. He taught me that my dad's reaction
to how I was being treated was not the way to interact with a terrible
landlord. He taught me that Christianity is about being the example, the
one that keeps it together in difficult times. He taught me that
anxiety over my dad's viewpoint of me after I disappointed him - this
time totalling my car for good- was not what I had to live for. He also
taught me that if I was going to make it through grad school I was going
to have to cling on a lot harder and set my priorities.
Additionally,
God showed me that there's nothing on this planet that is worth my life
besides God. I spent hours and hours of my free time sanding, waxing,
and painting my car by hand, and then I totalled it because I was late
and hungover from going on 3 days of a conference that ended with
drinking. It had rained out and the road was really slick. My dad had
warned me about that road, he said "this road is crazy, be careful."
When
I mirror God with my earthly father, I realize in my stubbornness I
ignore the only true love I have. I also realize I put the blame on my
father for my anxiety instead of for the action that was directly
opposing my father's direction.
Even still, airbag deployed and
all, I look at my life as a pretty big overreaction. I tell myself, if I
wasn't such a procrastinator, if I wasn't so high strung, if I wasn't
this or that... da..da..da the list goes on and on, I would be
successful. But remember Paul? The one who had a thorn for life? That's
me. I have a thorn, but ya know what? when I keep the wound clean,
attend to it regularly, and lubricate the skin with creams saturated in
God's love and affection I can be much much more than I ever imagined.
And God made me just the way he did so that I could rely fully on him
every day and realize that facebook and other distractors from God can
easily be cut down in my life. If I LET HIM REIGN, I will reign too. In
His glory.
